Week 15 Starts and Sits
December 18, 2015 | Chet
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It’s semifinals week in fantasy football, but unfortunately, there will be no video for the Week 15 starts and sits. I’ve chosen to be present when the force wakes up on Thursday night. Like a squadron of rebel pilots with names less cool than “Skywalker,” the video review of this week’s match-ups and picks had to be sacrificed for the greater good. I’ve tried to compensate with more in-depth notes on the Game Flowbotics spreadsheet, linked below, as always.
Normally, I’d rehash the notes for the week’s starts and sits here in the blog post. Please forgive me, but I’ve dispensed with that formality this time around. Check out the Flowbotics page for fantasy football stats and analysis beyond the picks. Otherwise, read on for a super geek’s breakdown of Star Wars characters as starts and sits at NFL positions.
- Matthew Stafford @ NO
- Derek Carr vs. GB
- Alex Smith @ BAL
- Marcus Mariota @ NE
- Kirk Cousins vs. BUF
- Princess Leia: Perennially underrated, she always comes up in big moments, particularly under pressure. Her escape from the detention level into the garbage chute was an all-time classic.
- R2D2: This little droid is one of the best signal-callers in the game and he throws a beautiful deep ball, evidenced by the lightsaber strike he launched downfield from Jabba’s barge to a front-flipping Luke Skywalker.
- Charcandrick West @ BAL (assuming Spencer Ware sits)
- Denard Robinson vs. ATL
- Tim Hightower vs. DET
- Matt Jones vs. BUF
- James White & Brandon Bolden vs. TEN
- Han Solo: Han hits the hole hard, can stop on a dime, and has great breakaway speed.
- Doug Baldwin vs. CLE
- Michael Floyd @ PHI
- Allen Hurns vs. ATL
- Golden Tate @ NO
- Stefon Diggs vs. CHI
- Malcom Floyd vs. MIA
- James Jones @ OAK
- Luke Skywalker: See R2D2 above. Luke also displayed his tremendous leaping ability escaping from the carbon-freezing chamber in Episode V.
- Boba Fett: He’s a cold-blooded bounty hunter with a jet pack. That’s a tough assignment for any secondary.
- Ben Watson vs. DET
- Richard Rodgers @ OAK
- Zach Miller @ MIN
- Eric Ebron @ NO
- Clive Walford vs. GB
- Chewbacca: Just a recommendation to all the safeties tasked with covering Chewie: let the Wookiee win.
- Darth Vader: The most imposing force in the universe except for maybe Rob Gronkowski. It’s close.
- Sand People: They’re easily startled, but they always come back in greater numbers.
- Yoda: The original Jedi master, ’nuff said.
- Matt Ryan @ JAC
- Eli Manning vs. CAR
- Jameis Winston @ STL
- Brock Osweiler @ PIT
- Johnny Manziel @ SEA
- Lando Calrissian: He’s boom or bust. Lando got shut down by Boba Fett and Darth Vader in Cloud City, but his audible to avoid the still-active energy shield in the Battle of Endor was a season-saving play. He’s difficult to trust on a week-to-week basis.
- Obi Wan Kenobi: His QB career ended abruptly when Darth Vader vaporized him with a sack in Episode IV. To be fair, he did a fine job holding a clipboard and calling plays on the blue-glowy sidelines post injury.
- Darren McFadden vs. NYJ
- Ryan Mathews & DeMarco Murray vs. ARI
- Isaiah Crowell @ SEA
- Rashad Jennings vs. CAR
- Cameron Artis-Payne @ NYG
- C3PO: A stiff plodding runner with a history of injuries, Threepio is the ancient far-away galaxy’s version of LeGarrette Blount.
- Tauntauns: For road games and day games, they’re perfectly serviceable, but they tend to freeze up and die in night games on their home planet of Hoth. They also smell bad, inside and out.
- Dez Bryant vs. NYJ
- Emmanuel Sanders @ PIT
- Brandon LaFell vs. TEN
- Travis Benjamin @ SEA
- Jordan Matthews vs. ARI
- Davante Adams @ OAK
- Ewoks: Until speeder bikes and hang gliders become legal within the NFL rules, these furry footballers don’t have the size or speed to be fantasy-relevant receivers. They’re great on special teams, though.
- Zach Ertz vs. ARI
- Jason Witten vs. NYJ
- Kyle Rudolph vs. CHI
- Coby Fleener vs. HOU
- Jabba the Hutt: The only thing worse than a dad runner is a slug runner.
- Greedo: He would have scored a huge bounty in Episode IV, but Han Solo got away with an egregious shoot-first penalty in the Cantina. I like him to bounce back this wee… oh, never mind, he’s dead. Sit him.
- Stormtroopers: Every episode, they let opponents off the hook with the galaxy’s most inaccurate blaster fire and weak-minded blunders along the lines of “These aren’t the droids we’re looking for.”
- Admiral Akbar: Known best for mindlessly running his fleet of starships into an energy field, he couldn’t sniff out a trap if his life depended on it.
Thanks for reading and may the force be with you in Week 15.