Links That Don’t Stink
September 13, 2012 | C.D. Carter
Every fantasy obsessive with an Internet connection is still analyzing every solitary Chris Johnson carry, Robert Griffin III isn’t dumb, and there’s a brand new and incredibly innovative way for you to over-analyze the offensive linemen blocking for your fake football running backs.
- The Week 1 postmortem has been a waking nightmare for Chris Johnson owners, who, after suffering through frenzied analysis of every single one of CJ?K’s 2011 touches, are going through the same special torture this week. We fantasy people — most of us, anyway — simply can’t come to terms with what Johnson has become: A speedy every-down running always looking for the big play behind a mediocre offensive line. CJ owners are in tear-your-hair-out panic mode right now, and reading carry-by-carry dissections like the one posted on TotalTitans.com probably will put you in the emergency room. Apologies in advance. CJ’s four measly yards rushing against New England wasn’t all the fault of the fat guys in front of Johnson. Like last year, Johnson avoided big hits and eschewed running lanes in favor of the shot at a big run. Good luck with all that, CJ?K Nation.
- Fantasy and reality football groupthink said that RG3’s dismembering of the Saints’ defense was all thanks to the simplified game plan full of early-game wide receiver screens. Mike Shanahan, people said, handled the rookie with a tender hand, and it paid big dividends. Shanahan, after the game, and later, Grantland’s Chris Brown, blew a hole right through the head of that little theory. Those quick throws to Pierre Garcon and company were all RG3’s idea — he read the Saints’ defense and, depending on blitz pressure and coverage schemes, pulled the ball right off the running back’s midsection and chucked it to his wideouts. Shanahan insists that these were not “audibles,” but the rookie’s real time decisions. I think it’s insulting to say that Griffith will plummet back to fantasy earth when he plays another defense — any defense — and that his jaw-dropping first-game success was the result of careful management. The kid’s smart. Let’s all let that sink in.
- In Fake Football Land, if it can’t be measured, it doesn’t exist. Everything must be quantified because we strive to perfect our decision making and we need new, inventive ways to waste our precious lives. Well, here’s a new way! It’s called the Offensive Line Rating, and it’s brought to you by the blocking scheme geniuses at The Pulling Linemen. The rating incorporates rush yards per carry, rushing touchdowns, sacks allowed, runs for negative yards, quarterback hits allowed, and rushes for first downs to generate a score for every team every week. The Jets, if you were wondering, had an unbelievable Offensive Line Rating of 1.053, several hundred light years ahead of the second best blocking unit of Week 1, the Bills. The Panthers, as traumatized DeAngelo Williams owners will tell you, rated dead last in blocking, and it wasn’t even close. Give this rating a look and find new ways to lose sleep over the prospects of your stud runners.
And come rage against The Fake Football’s Matchup Machine, which has slaved away to satisfy your make-believe football cravings.