The Fake Football, The Real News
July 22, 2012 | Chet
So let’s see, what’s been going on in the National Football League lately? Multiple arrests you say? Driving while under the influence, some mother shoving, oh, and I see some “simple” assault, well, at least it’s simple. I’m guessing Mr. Goodell is sharpening his suspendin’ and finin’ stick about now.
When Michael Vick, speaking about Goodell, told incoming players at the Rookie Symposium that “He don’t play,” he was speaking the truth. We are going to see as swift and as harsh as punishments as Goodell can muster. So let’s see what players us fake footballer managers should worry about and also some other, less law enforced NFL news, if there is any.
But while I’ve got you here, make sure you join our The Fake Football Reader Leagues because, well, because, um, you can win stuff and meet new people! Oh, and win stuff.
Dez Bryant: The overly talented Cowboys’ receiver was once again not being overly smart and or a nice person when he was arrested for domestic abuse a few days ago. There is a decent chance that Bryant will miss a game or two because of this incident.
In fake football we of course can’t get too emotional when drafting. I am still sickened when I think of what Michael Vick did to those animals and I personally can’t look at him without visualizing what was reported, but at the same time, I disassociate this fake football game from real life. Maybe that’s why I call it fake football? Dunno, but I would draft Vick because he is good at football. The same is true for Dez Bryant.
Depending on your league-mates, you may be able to get Bryant for cheap due to this latest instance. If that’s the case, do it.
Marshawn Lynch: His recent DUI runs his stupidity factor for his career off the charts, but it is difficult to gauge how this will play out this season. Even though the DUI charge falls under a separate category than his other past unlawful acts, I still believe Goodell will do his worst. The real question revolves around the timing of the legal process. Right now there is a decent chance his lawyers will be able to push this off enough to let Lynch play the season out before being punished by Goodell or the state.
I’ve been weary of Lynch due to the fact that his big season had a lot to do with his contract. Now with a new contract (which he possibly could have voided here) he is already acting foolish and unfocused. Lynch has fantasy value, but he is a wildcard at this point. I am staying away unless he really falls in drafts and also grabbing Robert Turbin if the hype-machine doesn’t engulf him.
Kenny Britt: Talk about a bad off-season for Britt. Ok, sure, if you want me to. So Kenny Britt had a bad off-season. Oh, more? Ok, he had to of course have knee surgery and rehab after tearing his ACL and MCL, but then he had to have that same knee scoped once again to clean up some gristle (mmm gristle). But then, just last week, he had to have his other knee scoped to help reduce swelling. So both his knees are effed up, which for a player that uses his speed as his main weapon, isn’t great news. Phew, that’s a bad off-season. You were right! Wait, there’s more? Oh, right, he drove while under the influence through an Army base checkpoint. Hmm, that’s a good idea.
So yeah, Britt has some problems. Knees and his seventh run-in with the law. He is radioactive in fake football. Be sure to grab Nate Washington, Jared Cook and Kendall Wright this season, because my man Jake Locker has a cannon.
Tim Hightower: Another beat writer “confirmed” that Hightower is the starter “if healthy.” Since we don’t know if he is healthy (and neither do the beat writers) and we do know that Roy Helu is a better offensive threat than Hightower, I’m taking all of the Hightower talk as just that. That doesn’t mean Hightower won’t get playing time if he can walk, but Helu will most likely force the situation with superior play.
Yes, Shanahan is a pain in the ass and not to be trusted, but I really like Helu and if given the opportunity could be a top 10 fantasy running back. You have to consider the risks when drafting Helu, which there are many, but his ability is worth keeping him on your radar.
LeGarrette Blount: It was reported by Rick Stroud that Blount was habitually late to practice after the Bucs picked him up and that he slept during team meetings. The news that Blount is a big turd isn’t all that surprising of course, but with Doug Martin now in the fold, Blount has a huge uphill battle to get playing time and he hasn’t shown the work ethic to do so in the past.
Michael Floyd: News hasn’t been good for the rookie. Len Pasquarelli says that Floyd hasn’t adjusted to the work ethic needed to compete in the NFL on a day-to-day basis and could start the season as the 4th wide receiver. Add that to the poor options at quarterback for the Cardinals and it’s hard to envision him making a big impact this season.
Tim Tebow: It’s been widely speculated that Tebow would be the Jets’ red zone quarterback or at least come in at the goal line and it now seems like that will be the case. Tebow has gained some muscle mass and will be the defacto wildcat running back. That hurts Shonn Greene’s touchdown opportunities and kills what little value Mark Sanchez might have had.
There’s no getting away from Tebow and in 2 QB leagues he’ll need to be owned. If he ever takes over completely for Sanchez, he could easily become a top 12 fantasy quarterback.
Matt Forte and Ray Rice: They both got paid. Don’t worry so much.
Eric Decker: He is working out with Larry Fitzgerald this off-season, which is always good news. I usually don’t buy any of the reports of players having great off-seasons, but if they are also attached to working out with Larry Fitzgerald, as for me and Grandpa, we believe.
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