Deer antler spray, Flacco channeling Nick Swardson, Dan Marino doing his best Antonio Cromartie impression, Randy Moss poo-talking, and Chris Culliver acting like, well, I guess Chris Culliver, are all the reasons I rather just nap the two-weeks before the Super Bowl. I did find a few tidbits of fake football news I thought might be helpful, so here you are sirs and ma’ams.
Lamar Miller — With Reggie Bush most likely hitting the bricks, Miller looks to be the guy going forward. They’ll probably try to find someone to compete with Daniel Thomas for the short-yardage role, but we probably should have already figured out that Miller isn’t going to be the main guy at the one-yard line. Miller has similar size and big play ability to CJ Spiller and if they both have big games on the same day I will be rhyming Miller and Spiller early and often. Get ready for the Lamar Miller hype train that many of us fake football types will be riding.
Reggie Bush — He won’t be a Dolphin next season, but really nobody who isn’t a water-based mammal will be a dolphin, but maybe we can aspire to manatee status. We can all be Sebastian SeaKowski! Bush’s landing spot will dictate his fantasy value, but the speculation of Detroit as a possible destination is a bit mouth-watering, that is, if you like to ingest fantasy points, and I do. He would fit the system perfectly, especially for us fake football ppr’ers. The other speculative suitor for Bush are the Bengals, so if you own him in a dynasty league, I’d put some voodoo on that deal.
Maurice Jones-Drew — He went under the foot-knife a few days after Christmas and says he should be good to go by June. He turns 28 in March, so it’s not like he’s dirt old. His performance before his injury this season was good. In six games he had 86 carries for 414 yards and one touchdown and 14 receptions for 86 yards and a touchdown. That’s a good 4.8 yards per carry and he did get the last 10 games to rest his body parts that have taken a goodly amount of punishment over the years. We do have to worry about his foot injury, but we’ll also get plenty of time to evaluate his recovery and as long as he is cutting well, I’ll be inclined to get him on my team in a contract season.
Alex Smith — There’s no looking back for Mr. Smith now and be prepared for all the Mr. Smith goes to “insert team city name here” headlines. His fantasy potential will depend on where he goes, but his fantasy potential remains pretty low no matter what. I think the NFL and all us fake footballers know what we have in Smith and it’s not all that great.
Danny Amendola — When healthy, Danny Amendola stepped up this season and proved he’s not just a warm body to pelt with 5 yard passes. That and the Patriots seemingly ready to move on from Wes Welker, make this an interesting off-season for white slot machines. The Rams could franchise Amendola, and Welker could end up resigning with the Patriot,s so it’s all a big bag of speculation at this point, but the possibility of Amendola on the Patriots is very much worth considering when targeting him in dynasty leagues and Welker’s possible departur,e a reason to think about throwing him to the wolves.
Michael Vick — Vick’s future is about as cloudy as futures get. If Chip Kelly wants to keep him and start him in an offense with a ton of potential, well, that gives Vick a ton of potential in the fantasy realm. But he could want to move on from Vick and who knows what will happen at that point. Dr. Who is who! Or not, I really don’t watch that show, but I’ve heard good things. Vick’s craptastic play this season is the main reason to question his value going forward though. His ability as a passer isn’t going to win him many jobs and as a runner he exposes himself too much to rely on his health. I’m not going to risk much of my precious fake football energy on him going forward.
Mike Wallace — It’s been known for a long while that he’s done as a Steeler, but it keeps getting more and more real the closer we get to the off season. The number of teams that will want him are numerous, but the number that will pay 11 million a year for 5 years aren’t as numerous. Since I am forced to watch the Bears over and over and see how little their receivers can separate, it seems like the perfect spot for Wallace, but the money coupled with the needs at O-line make it a long shot. There are plenty of other options out there and we are sure to hear about every single one of them soon enough.